You Say Tomato I Say Shut Up

Author: Annabelle Gurwitch
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 0307463796
Size: 18.52 MB
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You Say Tomato I Say Shut Up. In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir. After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state). Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being “in love” can only get you so far. On Cohabitation He says: “Within days of Annabelle’s arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal.” She says: “The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he’d scored box seats at Fenway Park.” On Sex He says: “I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week.” She says: “Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it’s only a turnoff if you’re talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a turn-on.” On Pregnancy He says: “For God’s sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!” She says: “My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up.” From the Hardcover edition.

I See You Made An Effort

Author: Annabelle Gurwitch
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101634723
Size: 67.65 MB
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I See You Made An Effort. “Annabelle Gurwitch is the child prodigy of the literature on aging. The only downside of this book is that it is bound to deepen your laugh lines.” —Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickel and Dimed Actor and humorist Annabelle Gurwitch returns with a wickedly funny book of essays about the indignities faced by femmes d’un certain âge. Whether she is falling in lust at the Genius Bar, coping with her best friend’s assisted suicide, or navigating the extensive—and treacherously expensive—anti-aging offerings at the beauty counter, Gurwitch confronts middle age with candor, wit, and a healthy dose of self-deprecation. Scorchingly honest, surreally and riotously funny, I See You Made an Effort is the ultimate coming-of-middle-age story and according to Bill Maher, "it should be required reading for anyone between the ages of 40 and death. Scratch that- even after death, it's a must read."

Wherever You Go There They Are

Author: Annabelle Gurwitch
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0399574905
Size: 23.62 MB
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Wherever You Go There They Are. A hysterically funny and slyly insightful new collection of essays from New York Times bestselling author Annabelle Gurwitch, about her own family of scam artists and hucksters, as well as the sisterhoods, temporary tribes, communities, and cults who have become surrogates along the way. When Annabelle Gurwitch was a child, surrounded by a cast of epically dysfunctional relatives, she secretly prayed that it was all a terrible mistake. Maybe she was a long-lost daughter of Joni Mitchell or the reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian princess. A family of bootleggers, gamblers, and philanderers, the Gurwitches have always been a bit vague on the ideal of a loving and supportive family. Their definition includes people you can count on to borrow money from, hold a grudge against, or blackmail. Thus began a lifetime of Annabelle seeking out surrogates. If she’s learned anything, it’s that no matter how hard you try to escape a crazy family, you just end up in another crazy family. With a wry wit and healthy dose of irresistible self-deprecation, Gurwitch asks: Who and what makes a family in our modern society? Is it our blood relations, the people we work with, the people we pray with, our pets? Gurwitch delves into her Shalom Y'all tribe's southern Jewish roots, along with the confederacies she’s joined by accident or on purpose, and treats us to a glimpse of life with theater folk, a band of cosplaying Furries, pet people, a UFO cult, and secular humanist fellowships while exploring the fragility of sisterhood and the spec­tacularly daunting search for the community where her aging parents will spend the last chapter of their lives. By turns hilarious and deeply moving, Wherever You Go, There They Are is a must-read for anyone who’s even occasionally been frustrated by the people they share carbohydrate-laden meals with every year.

Fired

Author: Annabelle Gurwitch
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 0743294408
Size: 56.63 MB
Format: PDF
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Fired . A collection of true celebrity tales and interviews with people from all walks of life celebrates the lighter side of being terminated and includes contributions by such figures as Conan O'Brien, Patricia Heaton, and Tim Allen. Reprint. 40,000 first printing.

Committed

Author: Elizabeth Gilbert
Publisher: A&C Black
ISBN: 1408807599
Size: 19.16 MB
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Committed. At the end of her bestselling memoir Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert fell in love with Felipe - a Brazilian-born man of Australian citizenship who'd been living in Indonesia when they met. Resettling in America, the couple swore eternal fidelity to each other, but also swore to never, ever, under any circumstances get legally married. (Both survivors of difficult divorces. Enough said.) But providence intervened one day in the form of the U.S. government, who - after unexpectedly detaining Felipe at an American border crossing - gave the couple a choice: they could either get married, or Felipe would never be allowed to enter the country again. Having been effectively sentenced to wed, Gilbert tackled her fears of marriage by delving completely into this topic, trying with all her might to discover (through historical research, interviews and much personal reflection) what this stubbornly enduring old institution actually is. The result is Committed - a witty and intelligent contemplation of marriage that debunks myths, unthreads fears and suggests that sometimes even the most romantic of souls must trade in her amorous fantasies for the humbling responsibility of adulthood. Gilbert's memoir - destined to become a cherished handbook for any thinking person hovering on the verge of marriage - is ultimately a clear-eyed celebration of love, with all the complexity and consequence that real love, in the real world, actually entails.

Someone Will Be With You Shortly

Author: Lisa Kogan
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0061978507
Size: 79.23 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
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Someone Will Be With You Shortly. “[Kogan’s] wry observations of everyday life will hearten you on your worst days, validate you on your best, and make you laugh any day at all.” — Martha Beck, author of Expecting Adam and Finding Your Own North Star “Someone Will Be with You Shortly is a delectable blend of wit, whimsy, pith, and poignancy. If David Sedaris were a girl... this is the book he’d write.” — Evan Handler, author of It's Only Temporary Someone Will Be with You Shortly is a collection of the hilarious and poignant essays from beloved O Magazine columnist Lisa Kogan. Writing in the vein of Nora Ephron, Kogan has been called "the Erma Bombeck of our generation" (Kelly Corrigan, author of The Middle Place and Lift). In Someone Will Be with You Shortly, she brings her trademark humor to such real-life quandaries as single motherhood, aging, and sex.

Data A Love Story

Author: Amy Webb
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101609710
Size: 31.44 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
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Data A Love Story. “Amy Webb found her true love after a search that's both charmingly romantic and relentlessly data-driven. Anyone who uses online dating sites must read her funny, fascinating book.”—Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project After yet another disastrous date, Amy Webb was preparing to cancel her JDate membership when epiphany struck: her standards weren’t too high, she just wasn’t approaching the process the right way. Using her gift for data strategy, she found which keywords were digital-man magnets, analyzed photos, and then adjusted her (female) profile to make the most of that intel. Then began the deluge—dozens of men who actually met her own stringent requirements wanted to meet her. Among them: her future husband, now the father of her child.

Burn Down The Ground

Author: Kambri Crews
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0345532201
Size: 51.95 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
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Burn Down The Ground. In this powerful, affecting, and unflinching memoir, a daughter looks back on her unconventional childhood with deaf parents in rural Texas while trying to reconcile it to her present life—one in which her father is serving a twenty-year sentence in a maximum-security prison. As a child, Kambri Crews wished that she’d been born deaf so that she, too, could fully belong to the tight-knit Deaf community that embraced her parents. Her beautiful mother was a saint who would swiftly correct anyone’s notion that deaf equaled dumb. Her handsome father, on the other hand, was more likely to be found hanging out with the sinners. Strong, gregarious, and hardworking, he managed to turn a wild plot of land into a family homestead complete with running water and electricity. To Kambri, he was Daniel Boone, Frank Lloyd Wright, Ben Franklin, and Elvis Presley all rolled into one. But if Kambri’s dad was Superman, then the hearing world was his kryptonite. The isolation that accompanied his deafness unlocked a fierce temper—a rage that a teenage Kambri witnessed when he attacked her mother, and that culminated fourteen years later in his conviction for another violent crime. With a smart mix of brutal honesty and blunt humor, Kambri Crews explores her complicated bond with her father—which begins with adoration, moves to fear, and finally arrives at understanding—as she tries to forge a new connection between them while he lives behind bars. Burn Down the Ground is a brilliant portrait of living in two worlds—one hearing, the other deaf; one under the laid-back Texas sun, the other within the energetic pulse of New York City; one mired in violence, the other rife with possibility—and heralds the arrival of a captivating new voice. From the Hardcover edition.

The Hard Questions

Author: Susan Piver
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101216123
Size: 76.25 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
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The Hard Questions. From Time magazine and USA Today to O, The Oprah Magazine, the media has raved about this life-changing New York Times bestseller. Now, just in time for Valentine's Day, comes this beautiful hardcover edition. Complete with new material, The Hard Questions is now being published in the same keepsake format as The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life.